Six Days

six days until i depart this continent for six months. a messy mix of emotions comes into my head, hence, my lukewarm reply to everyone who asks me, "ARE YOU EXCITED?" truthfully, i don't feel ready to leave this comfortable place - home. this past year or so, new jersey has grown on me - new jersey is not just a place where i happen to live nor a crappy state. new jersey is my home where countless warm and fuzzy memories are stored, lots of friendships established, where my identity is found. i suppose my studio project helped, too. =P yeah, so....leaving home - a large part of me screams out, "what was i thinking when? AHH!" another small part of me says, "yay, i can go finally go out and prove to myself that i can survive on my own."

i know from past experiences that i don't do well with changes and leaving what's dear to me. i might seem really carefree and happy 24/7, but deep down inside i worry way too much. i worry about meeting my new roommate, getting around, finding myself in australia, finding a fellowship, finding the right group of friends, etc... my biggest fear is that it will be just like last time - homesick. being homesick sucks. i really really really want to be able to adjust quickly and make new and happy memories in australia. well, who knows? maybe this is my second chance from God. perhaps God is REALLY telling me that I need to get out of my comfort zone and live boldly for Him. there is no going-back home every weekend this time. well, if that is the case, then i want to do it WELL for HIM.