a new beginning

after looking through some old posts on xanga - i had xanga since the beginning of high school, i realized that i needed a change. i know a lot of people switch to different web journal at the end of high school or college as a mark of a new beginning. i can't quite say right now is of any particular new beginning in my life - i'm still a college kid bumming over the hot summer and angrily waiting for school to creep up again ever so quickly, i just realized that xanga carried too much of my past and i want to start with a clean slate.

this summer, being my second summer after start college, i know i've grown and changed.

God tested me greatly in my first semester in college. i felt lost and stranded in the city of taxi and little greenery. my shy self did not open up to the new surroundings or the new people and i hated that place. i dreaded the walks from one end of the island to the other carrying a canvas that is twice my size and a backpack full of art supplies. sometimes, i had to do the same in the rain. my excuse for leaving was what could i possibly make a career out of art? i surrendered my hope to become a graphic designer and ran back home.

back at home, i saw familiar faces and i relied on them for comfort. i knew God did not bring me back if it wasn't in His big plan, but i can't admit that i never regret leaving the city that everyone dreams to live in nor wonder what i could have become if i had stayed in the city. i kept telling myself, i met some of the greatest people here and that would never happen if i had stayed and God still has a plan for me. over and over again.

being so close to home has a lot of advantages like never have to collect quarters to do laundry or the never ending supply of food from home. however, it discourages me to become independent even though i live away from home. everything just seems too easy.

because of that, i still don't really know how to cook or deal with many many real life situations. that's the desire behind going away for several months and truly be on my own. studying abroad to another hemisphere should push me beyond my bounds.

and maybe it's that kind of feeling that i want to start a new journal. to dive into the unknowns and discover the mysteries within me.